The Memoirs of an Arrogant Ferret
by Liadan Lightflower
Summary: This story is about how Draco's childhood innocence was corrupted and how he became an arrogant smug jerk. It portrays his abusive childhood and leads up to that fateful night when he was ordered to kill Dumbledore.


The Memoirs of an Arrogant Ferret

No one knew my true feelings. My darkest fears, my ambitions, my dreams. It was the false façade that they perceived, something that wasn't real. It was put up to protect me from the real truth. The fact that my parents never cared or loved me…not even an inkling or the fact that what ever I did was a failure. I was never good enough or I was a shame to my family name. I started to believe these lies at a young age and started to change my ways. Instead of being a whimpering child under my father's cane, I would take the blows proudly with indifference plastered over my face. I became incapable of love or at least that I was taught. I absorbed everything that my parents ever uttered. Everything from blood to fortunes made in an unlawful way. I grew up with the Dark Arts. I grew up thinking I was more superior to any other wizard. I was better, smarter, and richer…I was the boss. No one could put me down. That is what I thought, yet little did I know that my life was being stolen away from me from right under my nose. My father was a big manipulator, as I became myself. He pushed me into a path that would eventually lead to my downfall. Now, instead of rambling, I will start from the beginning, before my life was ruined…my age of innocence.

They say that you can remember certain moments in your life. It depends on how much it affects you. Well, I remember the night I was born. Just little bits of it and mostly sounds. This was how I was welcomed into this Merlin forsaken planet.

I was born on a dark, rainy, and gloomy night. The moonlight had shone through the large windows and shined on my slightly large head. My platinum blond hair had illuminated. My cries could be heard throughout the entire Malfoy Manor. My mother actually looked down on me with love peering through her eyes for the first time and the last. That night, a man stood in the shadows of the immense curtains with a look of disgust plastered permanently on his face. He had scrunched up his face in rage because of my insistent crying. Of course, he was none other than my father. My face wrinkles in disgust I mention him.

_Can you shut the boy up already?" he had sneered, throwing his hands up in defeat. His long platinum blond hair billowed around his face. _

_The sudden noise had made me cry even louder. Narcissa closed her eyes in exhaustion. She countered him cautiously. He shook his head at my crying. _

"_He's just a baby. You can't expect him not to cry Lucius," she said signaling the nursemaid over to her bed. She handed me over delicately. The nursemaid had taken me to my nursery, where I could still hear everything._

I don't know why I can remember this particular night; it is quite peculiar. It is as if it was imprinted onto my fragile mind.

_She propped herself higher on the bed, wincing under the soreness from giving birth, even though the wounds were healed, she still felt an aching feeling from deep inside her womb. Everything that had happened was cleaned up in a jiffy with the simple 'scourgify' charm. She turned her head and tried to meet the gaze of her disappointed husband. _

"_Aren't you at least happy? I did give you a boy," she finished; her face grew red with anger. _

"_Happy? Are you serious?" his eyes were wide in outrage. " How could I be happy with a blubbering baby for a son?" he scorned. _

_She couldn't believe that he didn't appreciate their child let alone love him. _

"_All babies cry!" she bellowed. Tears cascaded down her cheeks, dripping off of her chin. "You're such an ungrateful bastard!" _

_Lucius' face contorted in anger._

I could only imagine what really went on in that room. I remember her screams for help, yet I learned at a young age that no one would dare to get in the way of my father…Merlin forbid! I was so scared, not knowing what my fate would be. I heard his fist make contact with her skin…where?, I don't know.

"_Don't ever talk to me like that again BITCH!" Lucius yelled that night._

"_Sto-stop it!" she had pleaded, her body fitful with sobs._

"_This is for giving me a weak son!" he continued. Narcissa knew that nobody would help her and that she would've to let him finish. That night wasn't the first time that an 'incident' like this occurred. _

_Eventually, he stopped. He stomped out of the master bedroom in frenzy. Narcissa was left to cower in the corner, rolled up in a ball. That was the night that she had become distant with me. Only one day in the world and she refused to look at me. Indifference had overtaken her body, even selfishness. She would rather protect herself from her husband, than give me the nurturing care that I needed. She disliked me for not being good enough for Lucius. _

That night I knew something was wrong. My wailing reverberated throughout the mansion. My body had been overwhelmed with sobs. No one could help me; I was alone. Over the years people become contaminated with lies. I would too.

My life wasn't always bad; there were a few good times…well maybe a couple. I really can't remember the last time I was happy…maybe when I was little; I don't know, four or five? Yes, my fourth birthday. It started off well, until my mum went to speak with my father. I was outside playing with my snitch when I discovered a pond with baby frogs. I was so excited that ran to show my mum.

_Narcissa Malfoy walked up to her husband's study, prepared to ask him about their son's fourth birthday party arrangements. She had met a locked door, which was odd, as it was always open. Since, she thought it was an accident as she was always allowed to enter it without knocking, she opened it with her skeleton key. When the door cracked open a bit, she met laughter…seductive laughter of a young woman. She peeked through the crack and saw her husband's naked back. The source of the laughter came from one of their parlor maid's, who was straddled on his lap. They were joined on his desk that was rocking in a steady rhythm. Let's just say…they weren't having 'tea and cookies'. She had opened the door a little wider her face lit up in shock. The two had been so preoccupied that they didn't hear the door open. _

"_Mummy! Mummy! Look!" I came running into my father's study covered in mud with a slimy frog that was ready to escape from my grasp. I stopped in my tracks when I saw my mum's awestruck form. I walked over to her and tugged on her skirt. "Mummy…what's wrong?" I asked, following her gaze. I saw my father with another woman and they were naked. _

"_Mummy, why is Father with that girl…why don't they got clothes on? Are they going to take a bath with duckies?" I had curiously asked. Narcissa was lost for words at my insistent questions. Lucius and the maid were already broken apart. They magically clothed each other. The parlor maid had left the room in a hurry with red creeping up her neck from embarrassment. Narcissa had given her a murderous glare. _

_I hid behind my mum's skirt, when I saw father get mad. He hated me and I didn't know why? I knew never to get on his bad side or I would get hit and that hurt very much. _

"_What do you think you are doing?" Narcissa asked, her eyes were cold. She had forgotten that I was still in the room. Her face was scarlet. _

_Lucius just smirked…oh did he smirk. His eyes were lit up in amusement not anger. He wanted Narcissa to find him in a compromising position. He wanted her to know that he didn't want her anymore, therefore he spent all of his lust on younger females. Also, he wanted her to pay for giving him a weakling for a son. _

"_Do you think that I save myself for just one woman? I don't think so. I am a man of power and deserve far more than a measly housewife as you," he explained nastily. _

_Narcissa cringed at this. She closed her eyes and had tried to ignore what he just said. I looked at my father in fear. I noticed that he was getting angrier, when he said mean things to my mum. I had let go of my mum's skirt and ran out of the room. I found my entrance blocked by an unknown force. I turned around already knowing it was my father._

"_Where do you think you're going, boy?" his father had asked with a growl. He had pulled out his wand and blocked the way, bringing me back into the room._

"_Sit down!" he had roared, pointing me to the sofa on the right. I walked quickly with my head down and tears rolling down my cheeks. I didn't want them to argue anymore. I hated it when they yelled. I sat on the sofa and dragged my feet, tucking my knees under my chin. My father had seen this action and quickly strode over to where I was sitting. _

"_Malfoy's don't act like cowards," he had given the explanation through clenched teeth, his cheeks was red with fury. _

My father was a mean cad. I was completely terrified of him and he didn't stop himself. Didn't he see that I was completely helpless? That night he broke my leg with his cane and left a huge welt on my back. From then on, I hated him with a passion that I have yet to get rid of. Those scars would be forever there to remind me of my childhood.

After that day, my mum started to act more indifferently towards me… for 'my' own sake. I didn't know what I did wrong to deserve such a punishment. I didn't know why I was such a disappointment to my father to be reprimanded for every little thing I did. I was a confused little boy trapped in my very own nightmare with no escape.

I realized at a tender age of six that my father thought I was a weakling. That was when I decided to act stronger for my father, therefore I might be accepted and even loved for the first time in my life. My mother learned to stay away from me otherwise, there was a chance that I would aggravate my father once again or that she may infuriate him and he would take his frustrations out on me.

When I was seven, I stole my father's cane. I wanted to prove to my father that I wasn't a coward. I took the cane to beat a few stray dogs in the back yard. I even broke one of their legs. My father was looking for his cane and stumbled upon the diversion. He saw what I was doing and I saw a glint of pride in his eyes, yet it quickly vanished.

"_Draco! What on earth possessed you to take my cane? Please explain yourself and don't think you're getting yourself out of your punishment," he exclaimed and awaited my explanation. _

_I knew that the one thing that my father hated was for me to cringe under my father's overall intimidation, so I stood up tall and puffed out my chest. _

"_Father, I was trying to get rid of these mangy mutts from our residence. Now that I think of it, I should have never taken your cane to do so. These creatures should have been left for the house elves," I explained apathetically. _

_My father looked at me with a glint of admiration shining in his eyes. Once again, he wouldn't give me praise because he knew that he wasn't capable of giving affection; it wasn't in the Malfoy blood. _

"_You shouldn't let your hands get tainted with the blood of things so inferior to yourself. Now, I want you to clean my cane and meet me in my study for your… punishment," he ordered. _

"_Yes sir," I replied. I obeyed my father from then on. I started to listen and take to heart everything my father told me. That is how a young mind can become corrupted and contaminated by evil. I was no longer an innocent little boy…I was slowly starting to become like my father. An uncompassionate, smug, and arrogant prick. _

I will be starting my education at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry this year. Father tells me that I better get into Slytherin or else. Oh please…I know I'll get into Slytherin. What Malfoy wouldn't?

I heard that Harry Potter would be coming to Hogwarts this year. Maybe, I can get him to be my follower. Malfoy's don't have friends, they have people that drop at their feet and do their every command. Now that's creepy…I just talked in the third person. I walk onto Platform 9 ¾ anticipating my next move. Of course, I knew I was the best one here. I mean, come on, I'm a Malfoy.

'Then why do you always have to reassure yourself that you're better than everyone else?' a voice told me. It's because I like saying it…yea; I have the right to tell myself to be proud of my heritage.

I walk onto the scarlet train with two house elves in tow, carrying my luggage. I am met with a bushel of brown hair.

"You are horrible. Why do you have those poor creatures carrying your things? Why can't you do it yourself?" an inquisitive girl asks me. Her face is red with anger. "Or are you to good to carry your things?" she adds sarcastically.

"Yes…as a matter-of-fact and who do you think you're talking to miss?" I sneer back with my infamous smirk forming.

She growled deep in her throat and muttered 'shut-up' and stalked away before anymore trouble developed. Before she left I saw her wave her wand at the two house elves obviously decreasing the amount of weight they were carrying because they could now fully stand up. I look at the girl retreat and know that she is going to be a challenge to break. She won't easily succumb to my charms. I search to find a suitable compartment and find one with the filthy, yet loyal Crabbe and Goyle. They will never be good enough for me, but they'll do for now.

I enter the compartment and am nearly trampled by my worst nightmare, Pansy Parkinson. Why I have to marry her in the future, I don't know? Maybe, Father is trying to torture me. Father wants to keep our bloodline pure, yet doesn't he know that Pansy is the dumbest creature ever born.

"Oh, Drakie. Come sit by me," Pansy coos to me. I gag in my throat. I don't know how much more I can put up with her. Once again, I'm nice to her, so I please my father and only my father.

"Sure, I would love to," I lie through clenched teeth. Anyone with half a brain would see that I detest pansy, yet everyone besides myself are too ignorant to tell the difference. I take advantage of my position and ask her to massage my feet.

"No problem Drakie poo," she replies. She would do anything for a Malfoy, especially me. Girls practically faint at the sight of me, in a good way.

We arrived at Hogwarts; I was anxious for the sorting ceremony to start. I wanted to get this dead weight off of my chest. I prayed to Merlin that I would be put into Slytherin, yet I couldn't help the doubt that played in my mind. Deep down there was a little hope that I would be placed in Gryffindor and live to tell the tale, yet I abruptly end that thought.

On the way to the Great Hall, I spot a boy with a lightening-shaped scar on his head, Harry Potter. This was my time to shine and I didn't want the Boy-Who-lived to take that away, so the best solution would be to make him my 'friend', so I can keep a close eye on him. I look over to him and see that he is with a Weasley. Just my luck.

I saunter over to him and introduce myself. "You must be Harry Potter, I'm Draco Malfoy. You're better off without the Weasel if you take it from me," I explain with my classic smirk present on my face.

"No thank you," was his reply.

"Malfoy, why don't you go eat worms," Ron sneers.

"Now boys, settle down," Professor McGonagall's orders. "Let's all proceed to the sorting ceremony peacefully," she finishes with a warning glance towards me. Why me? I didn't say anything nasty. It must be because of my family name and the fact that everyone is a Slytherin, except me, yet I will soon find out. She is always sticking up for her Gryffindor compatriots. 'How I wished someone cared about me like that?' my intuition says. No, I like being the way I am. Every time I try to reassure myself it becomes harder to believe. I walk into the Great Hall…to my fate.

I guess in the end, my immense desire to try and prove myself landed me in Slytherin. I can't say that I wasn't happy because I was ecstatic. I finally pleased my father somewhat. At least, he wouldn't have something to be angry with me about. I couldn't help the twang of jealousy as I saw that Weasley and Scar head get placed into Gryffindor. It hastily disappeared.

At the end of the feast, I walked proudly out of the Great Hall; I purposely bumped into the grand duo before leaving. I gave them a nasty face and left with my posture held tall. I showed them my superiority. I showed them who was boss, yet I didn't feel that way. I felt the green monster envelope my body. That same monster would take me for the ride of my life at Hogwarts. My envy would only grow and gradually eat me up from the inside out.

My father ordered me to his study one weekend. Something was wrong and I had no clue to the problem. I walked apathetically into my father's study and addressed him with no sympathy.

"_Yes father. You called," I replied with an uninterested expression. _

_Lucius looked up from the documents that he was examining and looked up at his sixteen-year son. He was gradually coming to accept. He was started to think that Draco was capable of taking over the family name, yet there was one thing that bother him very greatly. He leaned back in his chair and clasped his hands behind his head. He signaled the boy to sit down in the chair across from his desk. _

"_Now tell me. Why are second in your class and second to none other than a mud blood?" he asked with disgust lacing each and every one of his words. _

_I thought out my explanation very carefully. "Father this is true. No matter how hard I study, she always defeats me. You cannot deny her intellect, no matter how filthy her blood is," I truthfully replied. 'Was I actually sticking up for Granger?' I thought to myself. _

"_Then try harder!" his father stood from his chair, towering over me. _

"_Yes sir," I adhered to. I never dared to go against my father, yet recently I had been having sudden urges to do so. _

"_I have other important decisions to discuss with you," his father continued, sitting back down. _

"_As you know, the Dark Lord has fully come back to power. This year you will be completing your initiation process to become a Death Eater of this family. Before you can get the Dark Mark, you must perform specific orders given to you by the Dark Lord himself. You must…kill Albus Dumbledore," his father explained indifferently. _

_I looked through my father and didn't fully listen to what he was saying. I came back to my senses at the mention of killing Dumbledore. That is when the truth fully came into focus. I would have to become a Death Eater, whether I liked it or not. I didn't want to become one, my father wanted me too. Everything I did was what my father wanted me to do. Now, I had to kill Dumbledore. It went way to far this time; I wouldn't do it. _

_I looked at my father in outrage. "No," I said simply. _

"_What did you say, boy?" his father asked incredulously. _

"_I said 'no'. I'm tired of listening to you. I don't want to become the Dark Lord's follower. I don't want to listen to YOU anymore!" I exclaimed heatedly._

My father was truly an arrogant prick. He thought he had complete and utter control over me. I actually laugh at that now because it is a bit contradicting, considering what is about to happen to me. My father tried to dominate me that night. He had clasped his hands around my throat, yet I didn't succumb that easily…come to think of it, I didn't relent at all. I really don't remember what happened… I vaguely recall what happened.

"_You will listen to me no matter what," Lucius finished icily._

I remember going into fits of spasms, almost as if he had used an unforgivable curse. Knowing him, he probably did. He was a sick bastard. I don't remember what happened after this, so I will give you a picture of what may have happened.

"_Do you give in?" my father asked me. I shook my head disobediently. _

"_If that's the way it's going to be, so be it. Imperious!" Lucius bellowed with his wand pointed at my head. I went oddly still and looked at my father with overall attention. _

"_I want you to complete your orders of killing Dumbledore and become a Death Eater," he ordered me. _

From that day on I was literally my father's spell. During my sixth year, many people accused me of acting strangely. Little did people know that my father was controlling me and that his evil deed would soon change the face of the wizarding world.

This is very weird. One moment I'm being beaten by my father for not obeying his wishes then I'm on top of a tower, Hogwarts I assume, with absolutely no idea to why I am here fulfilling the same orders that I objected to. Standing next to me is Snape and in front of me is Dumbledore. What's funny is that he doesn't seem scared that I have my wand pointed at his chest, ready to mutter the killing curse. I have no recollection to how I got here. Slowly I lower my wand realizing what I was about to do. With this comprehension, I drop to the floor in horror. Why can't I remember how I got here?

A flash of green light flashes before my eyes. I look to the source and find that Snape killed Dumbledore. I thought Snape was with the Order. I don't remember him joining the Dark side. I look at the lifeless body of Dumbledore and find myself crying for him. Tears start to cascade down my confused cheeks uncontrollably.

"Wh-how did I get here?" I start to scream.

"Shut-up, someone will hear you?" Snape tries to coax me. He walks over to my solemn body and grips my hand in a tight grasp. The familiar squeezing sensation overcomes my body and I am transported to another place. It's house that I never been before. Snape practically drags me into his living room. There sitting on the sofa is my mother.

"W-what are you doing here?" I ask suspiciously.

"Sweetheart, thank Merlin you're all right. I'm here because I wanted to make sure you were all right with orders your father sent you on. I asked Severus to help you, if anything went wrong," she explained looking at Snape for reasoning.

"What order? I told him I wouldn't do them," I mention.

My mum looks at me as if I was hit over the head and went completely mad. "Draco what are you talking about, you killed Dumbledore, didn't you?"

"No, I did," Snape tells Narcissa the events that took place that night. "It seemed as if Draco didn't know where he was let alone what he was doing," he explained. "I think your husband placed him under the Imperious curse by the looks of it…his sudden memory loss and complete oblivion.

Narcissa gasped in disbelief. She knew Lucius was cruel, yet she didn't think he would go as low as to control his own son for his own personal gain.

At that moment, I was overcome will a murderous rage that was all too new for me. I stood up tall with an overwhelming confidence that I never knew existed in me. I know I may seem like a smug, arrogant bastard, yet that was there to safeguard me from the truth of what I really was…worthless, yet I knew I wasn't worthless. My father had lied to me to a point where I didn't know who I was anymore. He wanted to make me like him, which I now knew could never happen. In reality, my father was the one who was the coward. I wanted my father to pay for all those years that he had put me through hell. I wanted him to pay for making my mum, like a zombie. I wanted him to feel the torture he gave me. I wanted him to pay for my ruined life with his own.

'I'm going to kill him' I thought. I walked over to my sobbing mother and took her hand in mine. "Take me to him," I said calmly. I would play it cool, until I got there.

I walked up the oak stairs, leading to my father's study. This time I wasn't nervous or scared because my father couldn't get to me anymore. My mum left, therefore she would be out of the way.

I knocked on his door. He didn't know that Snape had killed Dumbledore. As far as he knew, I killed him. I pretended to be under the curse still.

"Enter," a loud voice commanded.

"Father, I have completed your will," I explained unresponsively.

"Good boy, now sit. We will talk about getting the dark mark," he said with the first signs of affection shining through his eyes. I knew it was all a lie to get me to go along. As far as his father knew, he was still under the curse. Now was his time to speak up.

"I don't think so," I scolded. "You thought you had me tied up with ropes; you thought I was your puppet to what you wished. You were so wrong," I continued, starting to heat up with an overdue fury sparking.

"Crucio," I bellowed with my wand pointed at his chest. He doubled over with pain. The curse was so powerful that he started to splurge up blood. An evil grin formed on my mouth. I was so pleased to see him in my position for a change. "How does it feel father to have your life in the grasp of another?" I continued to rant. I saw him reach for his wand, yet I quickly countered with 'Expelliarmus'; the wand shot out of his wand and his body slammed against the wall behind him. I laughed in amusement as his body slid down the wall and landed in a heap on the floor. His head started to loll over to the side. I felt no remorse or sympathy for him.

"You're not even worth my time," I told him. I walked over to his helpless form and pointed the tip of my wand at his heart and muttered 'Avada Kedavra'. His lifeless eyes stare up at me. At that moment relief swam through my body.

I hastily ran out of his study and went into my room to collect a few belongings. That night I would start my life over. My age of innocence has yet to begin. It was time that I started to listen to my own heart, my own dreams, and ambitions. I would no longer live under my father cruel rules. I don't want to be portrayed as a bad person that I know I am not. I want to love and live life to its fullest. Whatever my father taught me or told me was all lies and I have finally come to understand that. It was time for me to live my own life.


End file.
